Balance

I am the darkness
for you to hide in, your secrets
and body nestled safely
against my breast.

you are the light
shining through the cracks
in my smile,
warming my breath
every time our lips meet.

days and nights
wrap around each other
like your arms
around my knees,
the tiny earths in my eyes
turning slowly at your touch.

It's just so hard not to touch you, love.

you dance around me

when others are watching

like you don't want them to know

about the dark room with the couch

behind a curtain, how you called me 

babygirl because the darkness

and the silence

made you braver.  

you kissed me on the lips

once 

where others could see.

I think it was an accident.

but when we're alone, we crash

into each other like the sea

finding a new place

on the shore,

my neck arched 

like a wave

for your lips to ride.

but sometimes, when no one

is watching, you

push your head back against

my chest, feel my breath

jump like the ocean

at high tide,

and smile.  

After the fall

I pulled you in
by the strings of my jacket
wrapped around your shoulders
and our lips met
at the perfect speed-
soft, quick, natural,
like we could do it every
day for the rest
of our lives.

"It's ok," I whispered as you first began to dream.

your eyes are closed,
but they scrunch around
the edges, hands
tight around the backs
of my knees, the word
unworthy whispered against
the denim on my thigh.

no, baby. no
I want to say,
but this is not a mark
that I made.

so when your breathing
grows heavier,
I whisper too softly
for you to hear
that you look like a thing
carved from stone then
breathed into existence,
posed across my lap
like a portrait
yet to be drawn.

I hope you hear
anyway.

You exploded like a firework in my palm

too fast, too bright
headlights flashing
behind our eyes,
we collided.

I've heard people say
I open up too easily.
apparently, this is not
limited to my mouth-
your fingers dancing across
the backs of my thighs, hands
touching everything at once,
breakneck speed, curled up
in your jacket the next morning,
watching for you from the
window like the distressed
damsel I am.

your jacket doesn't smell like you
anymore.

"I was so afraid I'd end up in an abusive relationship with one of those bitchy girls. I'm so glad I found you..."

when your eyes are dead and dry,
I'll be the sun to your moon...

I wrote these lines not knowing
who I was writing for or to,
hoping they would someday find
the object of my affection.

they now belong to you.

give me the trembling
in your voice,
the gentle
curve of your eyelids,
lashes wet with dew
like the morning after a storm.

give me your lips
at the hollow of my throat,
breath shaking as my skin
kisses you back.

I will always speak to you
with a softness previously
unknown to these lips,
hold you with an intensity
I had previously
come to fear.

I am not afraid
of your rough edges.
even your teeth
taste gentle to me, love.

"It scares me to close my eyes in front of people," I whispered, "But not you."

I opened my eyes 

while you were kissing me

half-afraid to find you

staring back,

but you were not.  

your eyelashes were smiling

against my cheek,

skin gleaming

like sunlight off of marble.

just then, your tongue pushed

against mine with such joy

that I fell deeper into your lips, 

eyelids fluttering shut.  

I imagine that's what you look like

when you're dreaming.

"Golly, I'm not a vicious sex fiend!" you said.

I keep blaming you
for the way I'm coming
apart at the seams,
but you're not the one
that ripped the first stitch-
just the one I got stuck on.

Aftertaste

I don't think you ever
had a dirty mouth
until you met me

but now my tongue
tastes clean
and "goddammit"
rolls from your lips
when you laugh

what parts of me
do you still feel
on your lips
when I leave?

you steal my coffee
and at least for the moment
we both taste the same

"That will probably end up in a poem" I said

if your skin is made of magnets
then I am a scrambled computer chip
useless to all except your lips

Hold my breath in your lungs

you and your 

butterfly fingertip kisses

gently caress the walls

I've spent a lifetime creating.

have you gotten close enough

to taste the demons 

on my breath

when you kiss me, love?  

I climb into your arms

like I climb into bed.

my eyes are closed

but I am wide awake,

your lips inside mine.

my throat is the place

everything collapses. 

it has been choked

by blades of wrist, 

slammed into walls

as my world gave in,

tasted the sharpness

of pocket knife temptations.

but your palms, love,

they touch me deeper

than the sharpest blade

ever could. 

I wear your hands like a necklace

close my eyes 

and let you watch me breathe,

the demons wandering 

in and out of my lungs.

I wonder how long

before you swallow one,

and if it will come back

an angel.